I've always had the illusion that I'm brave, courageous and don't give a hoot about what anyone thought about me, good or bad. But recently, I realized, I care so much that I'm really a people pleaser. I want people to see the very best of me and when they mention my name, they would only say positive things. That hasn't always worked out, in fact, plenty of times, I've had "run ins" with difficult people. I'm sure that others have had more of these runs ins than me, and I know that others went on with their lives without a backward glance, but not me. I think and relive those moments voluntarily. Can't seem to let go. I'm a people pleaser. So much so that I don't set clear boundaries with people. I expect them to know it, like common sense. Those that don't have any, continue to push me, to a corner, until I decide to leave, completely from the friendship.
A good friend recently opened my eyes to this, indirectly. She hasn't always been the most popular person and sometime ago, was the topic of everyone around us and always with negative connotation, yet she never cared. She went on living her life and ignored those that talk behind her back, passing judgements upon her left and right. Today, she's the one standing, high and tall and happy. Made me realize that I need to be like that. Forget what others say about you. Those that talk about you, especially those behind your back, aren't worth your time. I see it now.. So, no more saying yes, no more people pleasing.
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